Nook Look

Sunday, June 22, 2008

I know

I know that I was a bit pissy yesterday. Of course it was with good reason so I'm not actually going to apologize but when life already seems so cosmically imbalanced and someone goes off and says or does something that hurts your fragile ideals more, then how can you not be pissed off.
You see FFP's grandpa is really sick. Not gonna get better sick. It's so hard on FFP and his mom &Dad, brother and sister, their family especially his grandma who is the primary caretaker. I hate cancer. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. But yet, its still here. Its takes those we love away and it makes others less of a body, or less of a mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter sometimes because chemo, radiation, surgery or emotional pain. I hate cancer. I hated listening to the pain my Uncle James went through and the emotional pain my Aunt Sandy went through taking care of him, then being here after he was gone. That is one reason to be pissy. Below is another.
The fires this week, the Humbolt fire that raged across our ridge, came so close to my parents house, took my friends house away after they lost one house already. The fires misplaced 70+ families and charred our beautiful little town. I cannot believe the destruction. I thank the firefighters who saved my parents home but wish they were there for our friends. How unfair life can be. There were looters, going through the evacuated families homes, or what was left of their homes. How can people be so evil?
Then there are people who can say hurtful and mean things just because they didn't get their way or they think their way is the only way. They push blame and hypocrisy on those who think more than just themselves. I did see it coming. I knew in my heart that the vague rude comments were for me, for us who wish safety and no ill harm to those we love. UHHH
So if I'm pissy its because right now, life isn't fair. Right now, I wish that those things that are out of my control would get better but those things that are within my control would not be judged. No one knows what's in your head. No one knows how big my heart is and how much I can love. No one but me needs to know what I do for others because I do NOT need your approval. No one but me knows that you may turn your nose up at me but I do know who you are and you are no one I want to waste my time on.
I'm done with my rant. I wish Gpa D and the family peace and days without pain. I don't think my wish will come true but I have been blessed to be a part of his family and have a place in his beautiful heart.

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