Nook Look

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I have always enjoyed writing, even when it was therapeutic, detoxification, a real mental cleansing, release writing.

Since I was small I have dealt with things by writing. When my first boyfriend and I broke up I filled a whole journal about my feelings, how hurt and angry I was at the situation. I still cared so much for him but there was nothing left for the two of us as a couple and that was my first heartbreak. Somewhere I still have that journal. I filled another journal when I broke up with Dave. Then I was insanely mad at him. Insanely mad at a boy who wanted to be a man but wasn't quite there yet. some my fault some his but didn't mean it hurt any less. How did I come to this conclusion... writing it down and sorting my thoughts in front of me. I filled one when my best friend moved away without telling me in 8th grade. I understood it was beyond her control but didn't know why she didn't leave a letter or mail me a postcard or something so at least I knew she was OK. I got over it when I closed the journal put it away and then only did I feel I had closure. I deal with things by writing them down. That is who I am. My intent is not to hurt others. They are my feelings out here in the open. My blogs are a new way for me to write things down. I am still learning that maybe it isn't a good thing to wear your heart on your sleeve. Maybe I shouldn't vent here. You, my friends are my support system but there are eyes everywhere. Even those I don't know are may not want to see because they take my words literally "out of context". I am a woman who is more than just a woman I'm that list up above in my profile. I am a wife from afar at the moment. I am mommy and daddy during the week and running mad during the weekend to get things done. I have a job that is very different from my last job description. I am responsible for more than myself and I have a more direct line to the public. My actions are directly seen as a reflection on our company on a regular basis. My instructors are a reflection of me. The way we teach and learn and engage the public with our information is key to the positive impact in the county to lay citizens and health care professionals is important. It is a work in progress and I am having a hard time balancing it but hopefully I am doing a good enough job. I am cleaning house too. Going through files and updating out dated material. I am double checking all rosters and updates and files for missing info or throwing out outdated material. I then feel exhilarated and like I'm doing something and teaching almost feels like its keeping me from my job. LOL. I just can't say no. Hopefully with these new instructors I can get more work done and chose which classes I want instead. Wouldn't that be nice? So with new and exciting things going on at work I'm sure that you will be reading about how crazy I'm doing. I may even complain. Come back here and know that I love my job. I am thankful that I work under Robin. I couldn't tell you how blessed I feel. I think that God has opened doors for me this year that I couldn't have even imagined. I have always been a Christian but my relationship with him as changed dramatically. He has always been there in my thoughts in my prayers in the shadows waiting for me to take him in completely and this year he is at the forefront of my thoughts, the decisions I make and the way I live my life. I don't talk about it much but if you see me, sitting quietly for a few moments apparently spacing out I am generally sending up a prayer asking God to help me make a decision, telling Him thank you for being in my life, thanking Him for all the gifts He has given me and letting Him know that my love for Him is undying, unfathomable, unconditional and true. So you might even find me writing some of my prayers here too from time to time. I don't preach, don't worry. I just discuss my life in terms of how I live my life and prayer has become huge in my life these days. So I will write and you are welcome to listen and read and even comment whenever you want. I respect your views, your decisions, your actions if they do not bring harm to others. Your opinion is your opinion but opinions can be shared if they are relevant to my post I would appreciate it. Oh and I'm still reading that book, Its just taking forever with the kids. I have to post about our trip but it probably won't be tonight. Do you think 3 posts in one night is too much?

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